How to Win Friends and Influence People is an award-winning book by Dale Carnegie, and has improved the lives of millions over the years. This book review covers most of the strategies used to win friends and influence people!
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The first step, is to build a likeable character, I remember, when I worked in retail… Every two weeks, I’d walk to the bank on the other side of the mall to deposit my cheque. and, this one time, as I walked into the bank, the teller gave me a HUGE smile. Naturally, I smiled back.
She complimented me on the tie I was wearing, and asked me where I bought it.
I could tell she really meant it because she seemed so sincere.
She brings up my file and says: “What can I do for you Jason?” I was taken back a bit, because of how rare it was, for someone I’ve never even met, to call me by my name. At the same time, it made me feel really good inside. She asked me how my day was, and we had a small conversation. It was one of the most enjoyable conversations I’ve ever had. In the end, she gave me a receipt with a Thank-You at the bottom.
Not only was she the friendliest bank teller I’ve ever met, She was, and still is, the ONLY teller to have ever written a personal Thank-You on a receipt. Unlike waiters, she did it without expecting anything in return. This was over 4 years ago, and I still have the receipt.
A likeable person:
Smiles when they first talk to someone
They understand that a person’s name, is the sweetest sound they can hear They show honest and sincere appreciation
They are genuinely interested in other people
They are good listeners and encourage others to talk about themselves
My highschool had a typical cafeteria environment, where different groups of people sat in different areas:
The smart kids where here, the punks were there, the gangsters were there, and, some of the people with no friends just walked around everywhere.
There was a boy in particular, in our grade, that nobody liked. He was always the person to get picked on. I felt bad for him.
One day, I decided to introduce him to my friends.
I told them ahead of time to maybe give him a chance.
He could be a cool guy once we get to know him.
Once they started talking, I immediately knew that they were not going to get along.
I think we were talking about how cool it would be if we only our classes only had assignments and exams instead of homework every day.
Every time we said something, he’d jump in saying that we’re wrong.
He would call my friends dumb for not thinking the way he does.
Long story short, he didn’t become our friend.
Likeable people: Avoid arguments
They don’t criticize
They respect other people’s opinions
When they’re wrong, they admit it quickly and emphatically
They see things from the other’s point of view
Being likeable is only the first step to winning friends and influencing people.
People follow likeable leaders, but the BEST way to get someone to want to do something, is for them to actually WANT to do it.
When Napoleon’s army was tired and demoralized,
instead of saying, “C’mon guys, you’re not paid to sit around!”
He talked in terms of the other person’s interest.
He said. “I understand you are unsatisfied with your low wages, and that you are tired from the long journey and short supply of food.
But that is why, we have to give it our all and conquer the next country, so we can eat well! and claim what’s OURS!”
Great leaders: Talk in terms of the other’s interest
They make others happy doing the things they suggest
They ask questions instead of giving direct orders
They let others feel that the idea is theirs
They dramatacize their idea to appeal to nobler motives
WE WILL EAT WELL..AND CLAIM WHAT’S OURS!
Sometimes, influencing others requires us to make suggestions that differ from the other person’s.
Let’s say, your best friend was about to go on a date, and his shirt kinda smells.
A likeable person doesn’t criticize,
But, will we really let our BEST friend, go out with the love of his life, wearing a shirt that smells really bad?
No of course not!
There are ways to make suggestions without triggering resentment.
We could: Begin with praise.
There’s something called a “sandwich technique” where our suggestion goes in between two statments of praise.
Call attention to mistakes INDIRECTLY.
*sniff sniff* “Where’s that smell coming from, is that your shirt?” Instead of: “Your shirt smells, you should change it.”
Talk about our OWN mistakes before criticizing others, and make the fault seem easy to correct.
“Good thing I’m here to tell you your shirt stinks, I went out with a girl last year and no one was there to tell me..”
Let others save face.
Let’s say, the CEO of a company makes a speech, and messes up on one of the numbers.
How embarrassing would it be, if someone was to correct him or her in front of Everyone?
A better idea would be to tell him/her Afterwards, when no one is around.
Praise the slightest and EVERY improvement.
Also called: Positive reinforcement.
It’s like training a dog, “Good boy, here’s a treat!” Don’t tell them that though.
To recap: Become a likeable person.
Make others WANT to do the things you suggest.
And, Make suggestions to others without triggering defensiveness.
I hope you learned a thing or two, but most importantly, I hope you enjoyed watching this video!
Because that’s what it’s all about!
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